On a Jean Shepherd list I look at someone has just posted the lyrics to Bessie Smith’s “Kitchen Man”. Those were the days when the seven dirty words could get a performer banned from stage, screen, and radio, so singers and comedians had to use innuendo to get their message across. Here they are:
Madame Bucks was quite deluxe, servants by the score
Footmen at each door, butlers and maids galore.
But one day Dan, her kitchen man
Gave her his notice he’s through.
She cried Oh Dan don’t go! You’ll grieve me if you do!
I love his cabbage, crave his hash, crazy about his succotash,
I can’t do without my kitchen man!
Wild about his turnip tops, like the way he warms my chops,
I CAN’T do without my kitchen man!
Anybody else could leave, and I would only laugh!
‘Cause he means so much to me, and you ain’t heard the half!
His frankfurter’s Oh so sweet, how I love his sausage meat,
I can’t do without my kitchen man!
Oh how that boy can open clams, no one else can touch my hams,
I CAN’T do without my kitchen man!
When I eat his donut, all I leave is the hole!
Any time he wants to, he can use my sugar bowl!
His baloney’s really worth a try, never fails to satisfy,
I can’t do without my kitchen man!
His jellyroll is so nice and hot, never fails to touch the spot,
I CAN’T do without my kitchen man!
Not an off-colour word in the lot, but nonetheless one of the sexiest songs ever sung.