In re the “Talking Jesus” doll I linked to a while back, someone in another venue has waxed poetic on that very subject. Thanks to doloresnocturni from the shep mailing list for this, which she swears is an afternoon wasted. I say it was an afternoon made ever more glorious.
I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my Talking Jesus
Standing on the bookshelf in my room.
Linen robes and rope belt, too,
Pull the string and he’ll tell you
What it’s like inside a virgin’s womb.
Coarse brown shawl, authentic sandals,
Every night I light some candles,
Talking Jesus has a lot to say:
“Armageddon’s getting near!”
“I hate liberals and queers!”
Just whose gospel is this, anyway?
Masturbators, fornicators,
Muslims, Jews and figure skaters,
Women who abort and Frenchmen, too,
Talking Jesus has no use for,
Nothing but divine abuse for,
Wind him up and watch the air turn blue!
Catholics will be excluded
(Batteries are not included)
According to my Talking Jesus doll.
Those who help illegal aliens
And those damned Episcopalians
Won’t be seen in heaven after all.
People who say “Season’s Greetings”
And object to righteous beatings,
Loss of habeas corpus and the rest,
Lawyers from the ACLU
–Do I even have to tell you?–
Talking Jesus says they’ll fail his test.
I stay on my best behavior
‘Cause I’ve got my talking savior
Standing on the bookshelf in my room,
He’s a little repetitious
Hey, but won’t it be delicious,
Watching the unrighteous face their doom!