Chris Hansen’s blog

I am a regular receiver of emails from the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), and have now discovered their blog. A recent entry seems to imply that I missed a trick in high school when I declined to take any science after I struggled (and nearly failed) physics.

In a correction dated March 29th, the New York Times apologises:

Correction: March 29, 2007

An essay in Science Times on Tuesday about the role eunuchs have played in history

I guarantee, this story will move you, even if you’re not religious.

…comes from MadPriest, and is wickedly funny, even if you see the punch line a mile off.

You need a laugh? Watch this video. But beware. Have tissues ready, because you’ll laugh so hard you’ll cry. It’s a gift, making people laugh. Especially when you hardly say a word.

If you are of the faint of heart, do not follow this link. More importantly, do not go to Babelfish, enter that URL into the translate box, choose “Japanese to English”, and oh, goodness gracious, do not press “Translate”, if you value your lunch. There are several absolutely delicious lines in the translation, though.

Normally you train your kids to sit on the seat, but someone had other ideas…

We were asleep just now when the phone rang. It was my sister calling from Marblehead. She started out, “I’m OK, Uncle Dick’s OK, Harold (my brother) had a heart attack.” I would have liked the bad news first, I think.

He was working and he felt a tightness in his chest. He ignored it for a while, until he couldn’t ignore it any more, so he went home, changed his clothes (can’t go to the hospital unless your underwear’s clean, can you?), and called 911. They did an angioplasty and put in a stent, and he’s now “resting comfortably”, as they say.

I just gave him a call at the hospital, and he answered the phone with “Miller Auto Service”. When they asked him whether he’d ever been in the hospital, he answered, “Once, when I was born. I wanted to be close to my mother.” (he’s a Three Stooges fan…) At least he could still crack a joke.

So there you go. I told him “I guess you’ve joined the club.” but I hope he recovers as well as I’ve seemed to. My sister said, “I suppose I ought to make an appointment at the hospital for an angioplasty now, rather than waiting.” I think it would be better if all of us lost more weight and took more exercise.

Oh well, back to bed, and maybe to sleep.

Later note: He seems to be resting comfortably. However, upon reflection, I realised that I had my heart attack aged 53 years 3 months. He had his aged 53 years 2 months. I should tell my sister to book the angioplasty lab at the hospital in August 2011.

Today is Her Majesty the Queen’s 81st birthday. This is her real birthday, not the public holiday celebrated as her birthday in some Commonwealth countries. If she goes on as long as her ma did, she’s got about 20 years left in her. Prince Charles would thus ascend the throne 77 years young. And if Charles then sticks around for, say, 10 years, William would be almost as old as his father is now (57) when he ascended the throne. I will, I fear, be only a memory when William becomes King William V.

As is its wont, we were awakened this morning by the BBC stating ponderously: “Today is the birthday of Her Majesty the Queen” followed by the National Anthem. They do not wish her many happy returns of the day, as they used to for the Queen Mother and other senior royals whose birthdays they announced. We knew the Queen Mum was nearing her end when they changed from wishing her “many happy returns of the day” to “a very happy day”.

And we bid a fond farewell to Terry Major-Ball, the brother of Sir John Major, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and First Lord of the Treasury (to give him his full title). Mr. Major-Ball was a truly interesting character, always ready with a smile and a quotable quote about his brother. He failed in the garden gnome business (I’ll bet you didn’t know there was such a thing as a garden gnome business) and pottered around in various professions until retirement. But when it came to his brother, he was loyal and discreet. He knew of John Major’s affair with Edwina Currie but kept his trap shut about it. He wrote an autobiography that wittily said almost nothing controversial, thus rivaling Diary of a Nobody. Terry Major-Ball died of prostate cancer in Somerset last month. He’ll be missed.

…and we came out with this one, which seems to be well-thought of in reviews and is bigger than HWMBO wanted (he’d probably be satisfied with something the size of his Ipod screen) but smaller than I wanted (40″: I’m no size queen!). It’s HDTV ready and should work also with everything we’ve got at the moment.

They will install it and take the old one away (which will save me the trouble of calling the borough to take it away). We won’t get it until Thursday, which means that HWMBO will miss Doctor Who this evening…but I’ll be able to watch Have I Got News For You next Friday–that’s the program on which the old set finally fizzled out.

The whole thing, including a stand and installation, was GBP 804.93. And yes, I am aware it might have been slightly cheaper elsewhere. Comparison shopping is so boring, and when you’re TV-less, the quicker you get one, the better.

Now I have to unhook the old TV and clean the living room. In every silver lining, there is a cloud.

As we pay more than GBP 110 (US $220 and SG$ 330) a year for a TV license, when the TV dies it is a major problem. Technically we do not have to pay the license if we don’t have a working TV, but we really need a new one. So, we’re off to Curry’s this morning to look at TVs.

This TV is one that I think we could live with. HWMBO, of course, feels it’s too expensive and perhaps too big for the living room. I think it’s more likely that it will fit (as there’s nothing much at that end of the room anyway) and it will be enough TV for all the innovations that we will be needing in the future. High definition, digital, with all the connectors one needs. The Samsung (RIP) only had a SCART lead and an antenna lead, as life was simpler then. HDTV was only a gleam in someone’s eye, if that, as was the DVD player. VCRs were about as sophisticated as it gets.

This TV is also attractive, but with the GBP 50 surcharge for a large product it is pricier than the previous one.

As we don’t watch much TV, we don’t want to spend TOO much on this one, but I think it’s important not to spend too little and have a dinky TV that doesn’t do everything that we will want it to do and, worse, will have to be replaced later on when new things come out that we might want. So, it’s off to Curry’s we go. More later when we’ve finally agreed on something.

Oh dear, I’ll have to clean up the living room, too…

Thanks to ronslog, we now have a better picture of how high-tension lines are inspected and repaired. I was petrified just watching it.

…thanks to . This one actually accords with what people tell me I sound like. The other one told me where I came from. Go figure.

What American accent do you have?
Created by Xavier on Memegen.net

Midland. The Midland (please don’t confuse with "Midwest") itself is the neutral zone between the North and South. But just because you have a Midland accent doesn’t mean you’re from there. Since it is considered a neutral, default, "non-regional" accent you could easily be from someplace without its own accent, like Florida, or a big city in the South like Dallas, Houston, or Atlanta.

Take this quiz now – it’s easy!

We’re going to start with "cot" and "caught." When you say those words do they sound the same or different?

Same, no wait I mean different, maybe, a little bit different… Same Different

I realise that in the general scheme of things our little domestic problems aren’t very important, but in our world they are very important indeed.

First, I did not get the job I was interviewing for a few weeks ago. Got a letter today from the CEO saying that the contract they were counting on to provide the extra work had fallen through, so there was no job for which to hire. Foo. I was really hopeful about that one. So, it’s back to interviewing: I had a call today from a recruiter and the job he was describing sounded pretty good, so we’ll see…

Second, the TV has just gone on the fritz, and I think it’s permanent. This is a much more serious problem, and although it will allow us to get a much better TV, we won’t be watching for a few days and will have to waste our weekend looking for the new one and then waiting for it to be delivered.

Oh well, I’ll just get my hat and coat now…

Ever wanted to see a movie just because of the poster? Well, here are some posters for movies that were never made, but perhaps ought to have been.

Man with shoe fetish walks free

As in every race or competition, there are people who finish first, and of course there is always a person who finishes last. The guy who came last in the Boston Marathon is a blogger, and his story of the race is here. He may surprise you, but for all the angst I expend over my own health problems I wish I had even the tiniest bit of the moxie Jacob has.

I can’t say that I really need this, but I certainly qualify.

I dreamt last night that HWMBO and I were in Vermont, and we wanted to get away. We were at the Burlington train station (I haven’t been in Vermont to stay since 1964) and a train came with the header sign “MICE”. I told him that meant “Massachusetts Institute of Chemical Engineering” and it was thus going our way. We got on, but there was quite a crowd, so HWMBO and his luggage wer standing on the step, which had no doors. The train lurched and his bag fell off, and HWMBO got off to get it back. I was frantic, but I couldn’t stop the train. However, it did slow down so he managed to get back on. Then I woke up.

There is a building across the street from St. John’s Waterloo that has “MICE…..” in big letters on it, so perhaps that’s where I got the “MICE” from. However, where I got “Massachusetts Institute of Chemical Engineering” from I do not know. Perhaps best not delved into.

So guns don’t kill people, people kill people. … I’m just heartsick about the killings in Virginia.

We watched “Meet the Foxes” on Channel 4 tonight–it was a program about urban foxes. A family of four foxes and their mother was followed; only the mother survived the year. One was run over, one had terminal mange, two were shot (I think that was the scorecard…) HWMBO is the kindest heart around, and he just couldn’t bear to watch some of it. Very graphic, especially of the shootings. The mother was run over but survived.

We have seen an urban fox in the garden, and I’ve seen another on Swan Street. So we do have wildlife other than squirrels.

It seems that loo-users in Japan have something more to be concerned about than cleanliness.

In Sudan, homosexual activity is severely punished. However, this story shows that the Sudanese are kind to their animals, at any rate.

Six simple steps to find the way from New York to London:

1. Go to Google
2. Click on “maps”
3. Click on “get directions”
4. Type “New York” in the first box (the “from” box)
5. Type “London” in the second box (the “to” box)
6. Click on “get directions”
7. Scroll down to step #23

Good luck.

Oh, and down toward the bottom you’ll pass right by Chez Hansen-HWMBO. Please wave just before Step 59.

I was poking around in James Lileks’ site while waiting for something else to finish, and found this reference to a 1970’s paperback novel–I immediately thought of justin.tv, which I mentioned a few entries back. Very spooky, isn’t it?

I continue to be fascinated by Justin. That site will be a real time- and byte-waster in the Hansen-HWMBO household for a while.

Some of you may have seen this before, and I think that some of it might even have been lifted from James Lileks, but this brings me back to my misspent childhood looking at Life and Look magazines along with the Sears catalog. I think that will especially enjoy this website (there are no discoverable P**ps in it).

…and that is filling out my US tax return. The United States, in common with only one other country in the world (the Philippines, if you must know), taxes its expats.

I don’t owe anything, and haven’t owed anything for the past 14 years. There is an exclusion of foreign earned income (which is really the only kind of income I have) and this year it was $82,400. I made less than half that (being fully employed only three months last year) so I was free and clear. However, I still have to file the silly return.

I think this is the year in which I need to make my decision on whether to renounce my US citizenship. I am getting more and more fed up each year filling out this stupid return when I have no intention of returning to live in the US ever (my health issues would make that impossible anyway: I’d have no way to pay for health insurance or health care until I was 65) and when the only benefits I get from being an American citizen are that I can vote in Federal elections and get into the citizens line at airports.

This has nothing to do with patriotism: I’m as patriotic as the next guy. But being a British citizen now claims most of my allegiance, as I spend most of my time here and I feel fully British. If I could only get rid of the damned American accent then the transformation would be complete.

The rules have changed regarding renouncing citizenship. However, as I have no assets in the United States, no tangible assets here in the United Kingdom except a savings account, and my total net worth is probably under $100,000 US, I think I would escape any lingering rules on these matters.

So why do I hesitate? I suppose it is like when I became an Episcopalian in 1988. I had wanted to change for many years, but only got up the nerve after years of dithering about it. I need to talk to a lawyer and settle this once and for all.

You’ve all heard of the Truman Show movie, of course, Well, now there’s justin.tv. This is a Web 2.0 venture where a group of four guys, including Justin, a very good-looking Asian-American, have taken a flat in San Francisco, got sponsorship, and attached a webcam and microphone to Justin. It goes with him everywhere–yes, even to the loo (although he turns the sound off to spare our delicate ears). He has it on 24 hours a day. When in bed, a webcam on a tripod is trained on him. When he showers, he leaves the cam outside the bathroom trained on the door. Otherwise, he’s wearing it.

Now you might think this could be hot: he goes on dates (but hasn’t scored yet), cleans his house for a party (yesterday), and is at this very moment (10:08 am PDT Easter Day) asleep, scratching himself occasionally, and generally being comatose as only 24 (or so) year old Yale graduates can do on a Sunday morning.

Watch it, but watch out! It’s addictive but with no calories and no nutritive value. There are lots of posters around the house advertising his various sponsors. There’s also a whole industry of weblogs, MySpace pages, and the like. justin.tv has more than 1 million hits on Google after just 1 month.

This guy will be going places.

A guy puts lots of initiatives to fund light rail onto Kansas City, Missouri’s ballot. They all fail. In disgust, he moves to Virginia, but leaves one last initiative behind. The City Fathers are asleep at the switch, and surprisingly, it passes. But, according to this article, it threatens to “derail” an innovative bus service.

You might expect a warning on a ride called the Screamer. However, you wouldn’t expect this warning, I don’t think:

As passengers are strapped in, the operator recites a warning that begins:

A local council in England has apologised for mistakenly banning a few types of people from standing for local office. They now say that they were quoting from a law passed in the mid 18th century and that idiots and imbeciles are no longer banned from standing for local councils.

I could have assured them that the law was no longer in effect–just look at local government throughout the United Kingdom if you need proof.

MadPriest also draws our attention to the first sentence in the fourth paragraph…saying that it’s probably a very good idea to discuss this subject with one’s members.

New York City Plans to Promote Circumcision

By DONALD G. McNEIL Jr.
Published: April 5, 2007

New York City

I think this is appropriate for the season.

It’s a video, but it shows you that a Londoner’s heart remains in London, even if he loses his way for a while.

Those of you who are afflicted with Yahoo! Groups may have found your inboxes stuffed this morning with dozens of duplicate posts. Going to the groups website, I noted that there was a statement referenced on the “Groups Team Blog”. Going there, I found the following:

Duplicate Messages and Email Delivery

P.S. It would be helpful to get reports of duplicate issues if your groups are still experiencing the problem with messages posted (not received) after 8:00 pm PST. If so, please add a comment to the bug letting us know the name of your group and the message numbers of the duplicate messages. Thanks!

Now I understand. Inadequate testing and bugs that actually escape to bother the users are good, as they are harbingers of better things to come.

Bushwah!

…is especially for and …watch out for the herds…

Judging from the quality of the exchange, the Army has just pissed off a very qualified potential recruit. Thanks to Ron’s Log for the steer.

…try this one. Having heard of deep-fried Mars bars, I’m not surprised. However, this just makes my heart hurt all over.

I have never heard of the In-and-Out restaurants before, I don’t think. However, I will never forget them after seeing this article on one of their specialties. I feel very faint at the moment.

As one would imagine, being married to HWMBO entails a lot of Chinese food. Our local restaurant, The Well, owned and cheffed by Vincent, has very good Chinese food. But as I’m more and more aware of my high blood pressure and efforts to get it down, I’m more and more resigned to not eating Chinese food out except on very rare occasions. We all are probably aware that Chinese food has an awful lot of sodium in it. There’s salt, of course. There’s monosodium glutamate, that’s supposed to make food taste better. There’s soy sauce, which has a lot of salt in it (I never use it on my food, but of course it’s used in cooking).

So tonight we did an experiment. We went to The Well and asked for a low-sodium (no-salt no-MSG) meal for me. It was vegetarian spring rolls (Vincent said that there was a bit of MSG in them [he must get them ready-made and frozen] and I said that was OK) and chicken with cashew nuts with steamed rice.

Well, surprisingly, everything was hunky-dory. There was indeed a bit of salt in it (from the soy sauce used in the cooking) but no MSG and no added salt. The spring rolls were fine, and the chicken was very tasty on its own, with the vegetables. Instead of a briny salty taste you could taste the carrot, the onion, the chicken, the baby corn, the mangetout, and the slightly salty but not overpoweringly so sauce. Vincent says that his British customers always complain if he doesn’t put enough salt and MSG in the food, so he’s gotten used to doing it for everyone.

Hurrah! I can now eat Chinese food (at least at The Well) without worrying too much about the sodium level in it. Thanks, Vincent!

Note of caution: I think the reason we got our order customised in that way is that we have gotten very friendly with Vincent and his staff (a lovely waitress and a lovely waiter too!) They know what we want to drink and get it almost without us asking for it when we walk in. They are impressed that I can greet them, thank them, and say goodbye and “lovely food” to them in Chinese. HWMBO always has a long chat with the waitress and I’m sure the waiter (who is relatively new) is tongzhi. I do not know whether we would get the same level of customisation if we went into a Chinese restaurant anywhere else; I know that Tai Tip Mein at the shopping centre would not bother (although they would probably say that they would). It’s kind of like going to someone’s house to have dinner.

…except it’s not for you, it’s for someone who’s been avoiding the US for a while now.

Local councillors don’t make a lot of money, in most cases. Few of them go to the lengths this gentleman did to supplement his income.

One of the difficulties of living so far away from the places you’ve lived in the past is that you miss the life events of people you’ve known before. I just discovered from the Brotherhood of St. Gregory site that the Rev’d Ed Riley, Rector of All Saints Ravenswood, in Chicago, up to 1992, died in 2005.

I came to All Saints after moving to Chicago in 1991. It was recommended by others on the board of Integrity/Chicago, and was relatively close to me (just within walking distance). The church was in poor condition: if you look at the History section of All Saints’ website, you’ll see what I mean. It’s a historic building (more than 120 years old now, and one of the last wooden structures of any size in Chicago) and thus difficult to keep up.

The members of the parish were struggling to make ends meet, and didn’t have much of an outreach to the community. Ed was a lovable bear of a guy, given to using champagne for Eucharist on the Great Feasts of the church and popping the cork toward the rafters at the Offertory. However, the parish had been in receipt of aid from the diocese for several years, and was therefore reduced to mission status (dependent totally on the diocese) and Ed at first became Vicar, and then left and was replaced by Bonnie Perry. Under her leadership the parish has grown manyfold, and is one of the most vibrant and certainly the fastest growing Episcopal church in the diocese of Chicago. It became a parish again in 2000 and Bonnie was one of the candidates for Bishop of California in the election held last year.

Ed became a pastoral counselor, and was attached to the Church of the Atonement. He died in September 2005 as a result of a fall in his home, after enduring a period of ill health. RIP, Ed.

Here’s one way to get a free upgrade on British Airways. If you’re already a first-class passenger, however, you may not like your new neighbour, even though s/he doesn’t say much.

It has been a fact of modern life that the 50+ generation has almost intentionally been passed over in the provision of computer and communications services. Just as many people feel a bit icky when imagining their parents activities between the sheets, younger people do not generally believe that their parents and grandparents need or want modern computing and communications devices. Well, this mobile phone will become, I believe, a very popular item among the silver-haired set. And, as we baby-boomers (hi there!) get older, such devices will be more and more relevant to our lives and help us to continue our engagement with the world.

What with and finishing up their trip to Kiwiland, I feel that no finer finale to their trip could be found than this link, showing the hijinks that local government gets up to in New Zealand when the taxpayers and voters do not exercise their right to throw the bums out before they waste taxpayers’ money.

This has been a weird day. This afternoon we walked to Tate Britain to see the Hogarth exhibition. While I love those prints and paintings of 18th century London, with recognisable landmarks like St. Martin-in-the-Fields, St. Giles-in-the-Fields, and Covent Garden, the crowds were gathered around trying to read the text on the bottom of each print. Traffic jams galore. The same thing happened at the Blake exhibition a few years ago. What lovely paintings of the gentry he did! I enjoyed it immensely; I think that HWMBO wasn’t as enamoured–he got through it a lot quicker than I did.

Up to the Members Room for coffee and a piece of cake. It’s very intimate–kind of like a transit caff with art on the walls. Then walk back home, past the Imperial War Museum.

So I had bought ground beef for a meatloaf. Instead of breadcrumbs, I thought I’d use the leftover rice in the fridge to bulk it up. Well, my advice is: don’t. The meatload was tasty enough, but more like porridge than meatloaf: it never really firmed up. What a pain! Oh, well, HWMBO ate it without complaining, which is only one of the many reasons I’m in love with him every day.

One thing that confuses me is the fact that the English are unfamiliar with meatloaf. When I grew up, meatloaf was the standard way of using a large amount of ground beef with a relatively large amount of breadcrumbs bulking it up. It’s an American comfort food that is great with mashed potatoes and vegetables, and even better after being refrigerated overnight and sliced thin for sandwiches. I really love it! HWMBO isn’t wild about it as beef is not one of his favourite foods. But I often eat his comfort food (Chinese soups, stir-fried vegetables with chicken or pork, and the like) and find it wonderful. I will break down and make a proper meatloaf next week. Don’t tell HWMBO, though; he might be a bit cross.

Mother Hansen’s Meatloaf

1-1/2 lbs ground beef
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 onion, diced
1 green pepper, diced
2 stalks of celery, diced
1 egg
salt, pepper, oregano, basil to taste
Worcestershire sauce and tabasco sauce, to taste but liberally when you like it.
One can condensed cream of mushroom soup (optional)

Put the ground beef and diced onion, pepper, and celery in a large bowl, pour the breadcrumbs over it, and break the egg into the breadcrumbs. Add salt, pepper, oregano, and basil and start to knead the mixture with your hands. Don’t be afraid to get them stuck right in. Once well mixed, add the Worcestershire sauce and tabasco and mix again.

Put the mixture into a loaf pan and pack it tightly. Run a butter knife around the edges, and turn the meatloaf out onto a rack in a deep pan. Place the rack in an oven set to gas mark 6, and leave for about 3/4 hour.

If desired, after 3/4 hour take the can of condensed cream of mushroom soup, spoon it over the mostly-cooked meatloaf, and ice the meatloaf as if you were icing a cake. Return the meatloaf to the oven for about 15 minutes, then remove and let the meatloaf set for a bit before slicing. Serve with beef gravy, mashed potatoes, and vegetables.

I do wish that I’d followed the recipe.

I’m currently listening to The Archive Hour on Radio 4, which has been playing the tapes of the Falkland Islands Broadcasting Service during the Argentine invasion. Very interesting stuff.

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer:

An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scotch whisky,
followed closely by Italian paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
living in England,
using Bill Gates’s technology,
and you’re probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals…..
That, my friends, is “globalisation”.

Continuing the roofer theme, we have this roofer, who seems to have gotten himself into a sticky situation.

I missed this one last year; I am now making up for it. Men: prepare to cringe when you read this.

I’m just glad that this animal, saved by a household appliance, wasn’t a gerbil.