You may remember that I occasionally do Mystery Worship visits for the Ship of Fools religious humour site. Well, they’ve recently done a survey on the 10 funniest religious jokes and the ten most offensive religious jokes. However, I laughed at each one of them. The funny jokes are here, while the offensive jokes are here
I don’t know which I liked better — the “funny” one about the bells, or the “offensive” one about the coming of the Lord. Both tickled me…
The bell one is so old that the first time I heard it, I laughed so hard I fell out of my cradle. The “coming” one is new to me; the one I always heard (and told) was:
The Pope called a Consistory of Cardinals; when they had all gathered, he said, “Brethren, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?” The Cardinals murmured amongst themselves and decided to hear the good news first. The Pope cried: “Jesus has returned to earth! The Second Coming has happened.” The Cardinals are joyous and throw their red hats into the air. When they calmed down, though, the asked the Pope to tell them the bad news. The Pope said, “He called from Salt Lake City.”
I forgot the one that starts like this:
Frank Perdue has an audience with the Pope and offers him $10,000,000 if he would change the Lord’s Prayer to read: “Give us this day our daily chicken.” The Pope is horrified, but Perdue is persistent. He then offers first $20,000,000, then $25,000,000, and finally $100,000,000 for the change. The Pope thinks: “We can do an awful lot of good for $100 million.” So he accepts. They shake on the deal.
The Pope then convenes a Consistory of Cardinals and tells them about the change in the Lord’s Prayer. The Cardinals are horrified until they hear about the $100 million that Perdue will be contributing for good works. The Pope then says, “Only thing is, I can’t figure out how to break the news to Wonder Bread.”