From the “Washington Post’s” recent competition which asks for a rhyme couplet with a romantic first line and a least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you really screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe “go to hell.”
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
(seen in
That first one, of course, has different meanings depending on which side of the pond you’re on. The American interpretation is likely to result in a bit of “huh?”