I am a member of various Masonic Orders, and have recently been invited to join another. The ceremony is to be held shortly and I had put off a decision to see whether my foot was recovering well enough for me to attend. However, I inadvertently passed the deadline. I got the following message, printed in several rather bright colours, which I will try to imitate by printing it in RED:
On 25/06/2010 17:28, Bro. XXX wrote:
> *_FRATERNAL UNION CONCLAVE – CONSECRATION_*
> *__*
> Brethren,
> To date, response to the attendance at and DINING afterwards of the
> above Unit is appallingly poor to say the least, with barely half the
> Petitioners having failed to inform me whether or not they will attend,
> but more importantly whether or not whether they intend to dine afterwards.
>
> The date by which indications and cheques should have been received was
> Wednesday last and I regret to say that unless we are able to increase
> the dining number beyond the current 16 (to include the guest of 3
> Petitioners), the cost of the meal may have to be increased substantially.
> As one of those brethren who have failed to inform me, I am writing to
> you individually to ascertain whether or not it is your intention
>
> a). To be present,
> b). Will wish to dine afterwards and
> c). Whether you will be bringing a guest.
>
> You may recall at the last Petitioners’ Meeting the cost of the
> meal was budgeted on each brother Petitioner bringing a guest, which, if
> my recollection serves me well, most of those present indicated that
> they would bring at least one guest.
>
> It is now too late to submit your dining form and cheque, but, _*IT IS
> ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL THAT YOU ADVISE ME BY 12 NOON ON MONDAY NEXT
> WHETHER YOU WILL DINE AND HOW MANY GUESTS YOU PROPOSE TO BRING*_, in
> order that final numbers can be submitted to the Caterer AND to enable a
> table plan to be printed. The Director of Ceremonies will also need to
> know which officers will not be attending, to enable him to modify
> Temple seating. I am available over the weekend to take calls on my
> mobile number, which is 07714217036, or my home number which is
> 020-7265-0953, on which a message can be left if I am not at home.
> Please Note: Failure to respond by 12noon on Monday will result in *NO
> MEAL BEING ORDERED FOR YOU*, and for which you will only have yourself
> to blame! >
> Brethren a measure of co-operation would be much appreciated if we are
> to make a success of Tuesday’s Consecration.
>XXX
I found this rather acerbic, so I sat down and replied thusly, in order to preserve the reputation for unparalleled urbanity and generosity toward my fellows which my emollient prose so richly deserves:
Dear Bro. XXX
While I did have every intention of replying to your email in a timely fashion, I did not have the information from my doctors that I required in order to make a decision as to whether I could attend or not. After my recent hospitalisation, for which I was only released for one evening to be installed as Master of my Craft Lodge, I was and am still barely mobile and was confined to my home from June 4 until June 18th. I now have a cast on my foot which nearly reaches to my knee and is designed to reduce my mobility to the point where the serious ulcer which resulted from infection that ate away three tendons on the bottom of my foot and nearly required the amputation of three toes down to the first metatarsal has a chance to heal.
I have thus decided that, given my reduced mobility, my condition requires that I take enough extended rest that I will not be able to attend the Consecration nor the Dinner afterward. Please extend my fraternal greetings along with my apology for non-attendance and please accept my best wishes for a successful evening.
Sincerely and Fraternally yours,
W.Bro. Chris Hansen, WM, Goliath Lodge 5595 UGLE
I am inordinately fond of this reply that at the same time is unobjectionable as to its cause and aim, and yet gets the point across in such a way as to further inform the sender about the importance of being not only earnest, but impeccably polite when enquiring whether Lady Bracknell or her modern equivalents have any inclinition to join the sender for High Tea in the Lower Gardens, around the Fountain, on Thursday next.
Note that I am protecting this so that idle bystanders will have difficulty in getting through and reading it.
Thenkyewveddymush!
I have become SO English…I must take dialect lessons so that I can actually speak like Her Majesty the Queen, clipped vowels and all.
hear ye! those who know not how to ask deserve a verbal lashing politely done!