I’ve really been remiss, I realise, in following the Marblehead, Massachusetts police log. It used to be quite amusing when it mostly contained references to lost cats and roadkill in the middle of the street. But just looking at it nowadays is like looking at the daily lives of a community of slightly deranged cranks in a mountain village where a mixed marriage means that you’ve married someone to whom you are not related. The English variation would be Royston Vasey from The League of Gentlemen (a British comedy series).
I think the one that really takes the cake is this one, from the entry for August 19:
At 8:01 p.m., a Warwick Terrace woman called police and said two hours prior, someone rang her doorbell and left a glossy, one-page note but she can’t remember what it said. Now, she is on the throne and it’s the first opportunity she has had to call police and let them know.
Some examples, behind cuts in case you aren’t interested. But after looking at the previous example, I’ll bet’cha are, Blanche, bet’cha are…
- On Tuesday at 1:32 p.m., a man called police to report he lost his inflatable boat. The man told police that he crashed his sailboat on Tinkers Island and the inflatable boat deflated, but was still floating around. He didn’t want to get it because of the risk and the rocks so he left it there. The man is from Italy.
- At 3:52 p.m. Tuesday, a Sewall Street man reported he was being threatened by a neighbor over a flower box. Police told the man to speak to his condo association.
- At 7:22 p.m. Tuesday, police encountered a group from MASSPIRG going door-to-door. At the same time, several residents called to complain the group was pushy and it was late. Police told them to shut it down for the night and to register with police if going door-to-door.
- At 8:01 p.m., a Warwick Terrace woman called police and said two hours prior, someone rang her doorbell and left a glossy, one-page note but she can’t remember what it said. Now, she is on the throne and it’s the first opportunity she has had to call police and let them know.
- At 7:57 a.m. Wednesday, a mother called police after her son ran away. She said he was belligerent and this was because he did not want to go to summer camp. He bailed out their window and left on foot. Police found him on Atlantic Avenue and returned him to his mother.
- At 3:31 p.m. Wednesday, an Ocean Avenue woman said one of her two orange kayaks was removed from the rack, but not taken because it had a lock on it. She thinks that someone tried to take it out for a spin or to sell it on ebay.
- A toilet in Chandler Hovey State Park was destroyed Wednesday at 9:59 p.m. when a cherry bomb was set off in the restroom. Police and fire responded and found smoke from fireworks in the area. According to witnesses, five cars fled the scene.
- At 2:28 a.m. Thursday, a caller reported a man walking down Jersey Street, carrying a wrench and staring down cars. The man was gone when police arrived.
- At 6:22 a.m. Thursday, a State Street resident told police there is a trash truck every Thursday that empties the trash at Crosby’s. The resident says that he has asked Crosby’s to not have them empty the trash so early in the morning and that Crosby’s has spoken with the company but it still happens. The resident asked police to give them a ticket for violating whatever bylaw applied. Police told the resident there is no bylaw being violated, but police can speak to the driver. The resident said the driver had left.
- At 7:56 a.m. Friday, a Rose Avenue resident called police to report a penis had been drawn on car and on other vehicles on the street. Police found the drawing on the glass with a marker. A report was taken. Two other vehicle owners on Rose Avenue also had reports taken about drawings on their car windows.
- At 9:06 a.m. Friday, a person at the Dunkin Donuts on Pleasant Street complained about a male who was canning in front of the business. The male said his name is Mark and he was authorized to do this from someone in Boston. The owner of the store did not authorize the canning and another person told the man to move out into the street, which he did. The male was described as tall and thin, wearing a dark baseball cap turned backward and a fluorescent green/yellow shirt that said, “TEAM Challenge” on it. Police spoke to the man, who was from California, and believed he was staying in town with a friend.
- At 12:35 p.m. Friday, a van owner on Gingerbread Hill Lane found obscenities written all over his van. Another car on the street was also vandalized.
- At 3:01 p.m. Friday, an older bald male wearing a white top and dark shorts was hitchhiking into town on Tedesco Street. The caller thought it was suspicious.
- At 4:28 p.m. Friday, witnesses saw a car screech to a halt and the operator throw a bunch of bottles from the vehicle. He then got in another car, a green pickup truck, and took off leaving the Volvo he was driving behind. The owner of the Volvo was contacted on his cell phone and he told police that he was driving and the brakes didn’t work so he parked it. He got a ride home from a friend. He went on to tell police that he could try and get back there, but it may take about a half-hour. Police had the vehicle towed as it was illegally parked and blocking the road on Beacon Street. The Fire Department was also called to help police gather evidence out of the marsh.
- At 6:30 p.m. Friday, a woman called police to say a large sports utility vehicle with antennas was following her and flashing its lights on Humphrey Street. The operator (an older male) told her that he clocked her at 40 miles per hour and that she had an expired tag. She refused to pull over or roll down the window because she was scared. Marblehead Police were tied up on a domestic assault and battery call. Swampscott was contacted and they did not get a call from the person in the SUV. The woman had told police that the male told her that he was calling the police about her.
- At 7:20 p.m. Friday, police responded to a fight on Naugus Avenue. A resident reported that the people next door were using epoxy on a boat, which she believes gave her daughter a chest infection last time they used it. Her father went over to speak to them about it and it reportedly got physical. The other party in the fight, called 9-1-1 and said his life was being threatened. Police took a report of the incident.
- At 11:06 a.m. Friday, a man called police to see if any wallets had been turned in. He said the wallet was stolen from his house by a “guest.” The man added that he would go to the station later to file a report. The man also gave the name and phone number of his guest and said his credit card was being used.
- At 11:25 a.m. Friday, a woman called police and said she was “accosted in Starbucks by a male with an emotional problem that doesn’t belong in Marblehead.” She said she entered the store, went to a seating area and there was a male on the counter at the end. She asked if anyone was sitting nearby and then pulled out the seat. She placed her order and then returned and there was a cup on the table with a napkin. She threw the items away. The caller and the male exchanged words and he called her rude. The caller moved to another seat and said to the man that she hoped he never made a mistake. The male left Starbucks and the woman waited a while to make sure he was gone from the area. A few minutes later, the woman left and decided she’d better walk a different way home. She was walking and heard clapping behind her. She turned to see the male behind her and it was the same man from Starbucks who was clapping. He told her to keep walking. The woman described the male as, “overweight, unkempt, looks different, he had on an olive green sweatshirt that was of no quality and was about 35 to 40 years old, white, with no glasses and he was abusive.” The woman said she wanted to let the police know. The woman added that she believes the man was likely from a nearby town—and not Marblehead.
- At 1:34 p.m. Friday, a Roosevelt Avenue resident called police after seeing a contractor spray painting. The man asked police if there were any bylaws against spray painting on windy days. Police spoke with the contractor who was done spray painting and there was no over spray.
- At 4:15 p.m. Friday, a man reported that a few days prior, he was traveling down the hill of Pleasant Street toward National Grand Bank, and a young male on a skateboard followed him down the hill. The man stopped and told the male that what he was doing was inappropriate. The man said he now carries a camera in his car so he can take a picture of the skateboarder.
- At 6:50 p.m. Friday, a Leicester Road resident found three chainsaws and a flashlight in the yard. It was later found that the chainsaws and flashlight came from a neighbor’s shed, which had been broken into.
- At 7:07 p.m. Friday, calls came into police regarding kids, who were in the alley way between Terry’s and the Cutting Edge on School Street, throwing water balloons into the intersection. When police arrived, the kids “bolted” up Washington Street. Police stopped them and their parents were informed to come get them. One of the kids got away — he was described as 5 foot, 5 inches tall with a crew cut, wearing a blue shirt with white lettering.
- At 9:48 p.m. Friday, a noise complaint was made to police about a party at Marion Road. The caller said there was a gathering of eight to 10 kids drinking and smoking in the yard and the kids were migrating between the yard and the tracks.
- At 1:42 p.m. Saturday, a Tucker Street resident called police after a tow truck hit a house. There was no damage, but the resident wanted it documented so the person could petition to ban trucks on the street.
- At 1:30 a.m. Sunday, police searched for a missing teen after he walked away from a Swampscott party after having consumed several shots of alcohol. The teen was from Marblehead so his parents believed he may have tried to walk home. The teen was found on Prospect and Pleasant Street in Swampscott and needed medical attention.
Now to go and clean my brain out with soap…
Canada has been governed by 
The unfortunate fact of coalition in the United Kingdom is that, despite all the signs with COALITION AHEAD!, BEWARE OF THE COALITION!, HANGING PARLIAMENT ABOVE!!, none of the three major parties seriously contemplated what they would do were a hung Parliament to be elected. So when they woke up the day after the election, the three leaders didn’t know what to do. Nick Clegg, the kingmaker and leader of the LibDems, finally cast his lot in with the Conservatives, as together they would command a majority in the House of Commons.
However, all of this avoids the reality of the situation. Much quoted lately, most recently by Julia Gillard, PM of Australia, is former US President Bill Clinton’s remark after the 2000 US Presidential election: “The American people have spoken but it’s going to take a little while to determine what they said.” In the UK and other British parliamentary-style democracies, each party runs on a manifesto (=US “platform”) which sets out, in detail, what the party intends to do if it forms a majority government. What the manifestos do NOT say is what the party intends to do if no party commands a majority in Parliament and it must explore coalition with other parties.
A week is a long time in politics (hackneyed phrase, but a true one). Who knows what will happen to the coalition here in the UK, or the government in Australia. Prime Minister Gillard may elect to continue on as Prime Minister of a minority government until and unless she loses a vote of confidence in the House of Representatives,