Chris Hansen’s blog

• 05:45 Today’s Cartoon URL: is.gd/2IC8i Do not watch while drinking-your monitor and keyboard might be at risk. Strong language… #
• 06:17 @jenny8lee Peanut butter is a “paste” according to the TSA. Check it unless you want to lose it. #
• 07:13 Why haven’t the news outlets started referring to the new “booze ASBO” as a “boozebo”? Sounds like a natural. #
• 07:13 RT @bbcnews: Police are investigating after a man was shot near the Ministry of Sound nightclub in SE London tinyurl.com/mz49qc #
• 11:50 Well, time to get ready to go out for lunch. May be challenging as the police are still investigating this morning’s murder scene… #
• 18:01 @devinjay The Dara O’Briain is pant-wettingly funny. #
• 21:13 @MisterDude i remember salted nut rolls fondly from my misspent youth. i thot they’d disappeared along with penny candy … #
• 23:30 @kevjumba presumably “spotters” refers to people watching, not to the condition of one’s undies afterward…or did it? #
• 23:31 RT @kevjumba: I’m at B&N & reading this funny book called “Farts: A Spotters Guide” and a group of 4 girls came up to take pictures. Damn.. #
• 23:34 @franktheman1 and a very nice possession it is, too. i hope you share it around? #
• 23:36 @jonk then the entire nations of the UK and Canada are funny? You guys who spell “centre” as “center” are funny too… #
• 23:37 off to the land of Nod now…much too late. Got caught in teh intarwebz. #

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• 08:01 @Liturgy So confession is like Liquid Plumr or Drano? 😉 #
• 11:43 @jenny8lee most weddings in the UK have fruit cake with marzipan frosting. Inedible by me but others love it. #
• 11:51 @soveren i hope you’re taking cholesterol medication if you want to eat that KFC… #
• 12:47 @soveren ITYM “it’s to die from” b… #
• 13:17 Today’s Sermon: is.gd/2HtTL #
• 16:32 And me! RT @JoexEd: Me too! tumblr.com/xxv2wgi7l #
• 19:27 @cemab4y prayed for you at mass this morning. will RT. will keep praying. #
• 19:28 RT @cemab4y: I need prayers for myself and my wife. This is a difficult time for me. Any prayers you can offer, will be appreciated. Pls RT #
• 19:36 dinner was leftover Chinese takeaway from y’day. Tomorrow: Chinatown with friends for lunch on Bank Holiday Monday. #
• 20:00 Thanks to MadPriest, a heartwarming story of normality in South Africa: is.gd/2HZe9 #
• 20:01 @thoburn I thot that being bitchy was Requirement #1 for being a “door bitch”. A non-bitchy door bitch is no use at all… #
• 20:01 @soveren you go out on a frozen lack, cut a hole in the ice, drag a shack over the hole, and fish through it. #
• 20:02 @soveren lake, LAKE! Dammit, I can’t type anymore. #
• 20:03 @soveren they do a lot of ice fishing in places like Minnesota. Not here–lakes rarely freeze over well enough here to do it. #
• 20:04 @Naoij perhaps you ought to be playfully drinking… #
• 20:21 @soveren i think that when you’re ice fishing and need to pee, into the hole it goes. i have never ice fished, so this is just conjecture. #
• 21:36 @texasnate imagine how much you would have made if you HAD dropped your pants! #

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Well-received, thank goodness. I don’t prefer to be asked to preach at short notice, but it’s not always a problem.

August 30, 2009 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time
Sermon delivered at St. John the Evangelist, 10 am.
Readings: Deut 4:1-2,6-8; Ps. 14; James 1:17-18,21-22, 27; Mark 7:1-8,14-15,21-23

In the name of God, the one, the Undivided Trinity. AMEN.

I

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• 08:31 There’s always an iPhone app for everything: is.gd/2Fvki #
• 08:33 @franktheman1 hope you’ve got some alka-seltzer for breakfast! #
• 08:35 @devinjay looks kind of purplish to me… #
• 09:04 RT @besskeloid: Poor bastard. imgur.com/9zbiP.jpg #
• 10:33 @besskeloid oh, ick! I don’t think that imami and chocolate are good tastes together. #
• 10:47 @soveren that dream sounds relatively kinky. #
• 17:05 @nakedboy …with an antelope? 😉 #
• 17:06 @nard join the Mile High Club! #
• 19:02 @JoexEd what a lovely smile! congrats to you and your dentist. #
• 19:04 @Admish the word is “tart”. Granny Smiths are “tart”. #
• 22:13 @ErnieAtLYD condolences on your loss…very sorry to hear it. #
• 22:28 @Shelbycub sorry to hear it; kick back and relax. hugs. #
• 22:42 @pedroissexy hey sexy… #
• 22:42 @Shelbycub anytime… #

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• 08:17 Attention trawnapanda: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8225491.stm #
• 08:31 Morning all. Off to the quack for the foot again. Want to do something today but not sure what. #
• 11:35 @cemab4y you’re in my prayers and thoughts right now. #
• 11:48 RT @joeharrod: Never a good sign, when walking into the loo, when the man coming out stares at you, shakes his head, and says “it wasn’t me” #
• 18:10 @scorpiojerm best thing to do is get hitched to someone who loves garlic as much as you do. kissing then is not a problem… #
• 18:16 #followfriday @brianepeters @jjjap @soveren rbanbohemian @bengoldacre @LDN @CassiniSaturn @se1 @MrPandaBehr @nard @jonk @BrianHeys #
• 18:29 @franktheman1 pics, please. Sans towel, of course. #
• 18:30 Of course, that #followfriday should have been @urbanbohemian , a great tweeter extraordinaire. #
• 19:26 @sammymcloughlin no, domino’s=FAIL #
• 20:12 RT @cemab4y: Night in Iraq. I just was released from the hospital. I need prayers for me and my wife. Can everyone RT? #prayer #
• 20:35 @orrh what’s your favourite xtube vid? #
• 21:51 @BePhilavong at least if you drink and cook you’ll be drunk enough to eat whatever mess you cooked up no matter what state it’s in… #

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This gentleman was a pretty messed up individual when he started trying to persecute a black preacher nearly 20 years ago. But, as he tells the story, the preacher had the last word. Watch to the end for the chicken story.

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• 09:20 just finished silly market research survey. #
• 09:38 @cemab4y hope everything is ok. have a good flight home. #
• 13:30 @MrPandaBehr yes but no. Never been in the catacombs. Why do you ask? Are you coming to Europe? #
• 13:34 @MrPandaBehr i seem to remember that the Paris sewers are the top underground attraction there after the catacombs and the Métro. Come here! #
• 13:38 no, not to say busy. HWMBO and I should both be home in London and our extra room will be here waiting for you and Michael. #
• 13:39 @MrPandaBehr i just sent what was supposed to be a reply to everyone. oh well. Do come–it’ll be cold here but not as cold as Upstate NY… #
• 13:48 @MrPandaBehr we had 6″ February this yr but we normally only get a dusting if that. HWMBO liked it as it was the most snow he’d ever seen. #
• 14:09 @littlepigy that was a very nice story…food for thought. thanks for finding it. #
• 16:47 @nard you might be slow cooking but at least one of you or the crockpot is hawt and it’s not the pot… 😉 #
• 16:47 RT @Glinner: There’s a phrase for what Labour are doing with #digitalBritain. I call it “farting before leaving the lift”. #
• 16:49 Just finished screwing the towel rod…onto the wall of the bathroom. #
• 17:00 Hello to the other 60,999,999 of you who live in the United Kingdom. #
• 17:01 The Immigration Minister says that he can promise it will never rise to 70,000,000. He may be a pensioner by then but I can promise it will. #
• 17:53 RT @AlanCarr: Interviewed Dave Berry for more magazine then had Vernon Kay lick my helmet – its a long story #
• 18:00 @soveren the Minister said it would never get to 70m; I think it will. But not soon. Praps the other 600K are EU migrants? #
• 18:12 RT @HeriCabral: I wonder what a cheez-its cereal would taste like. (@chrishansenhome Awful, I can assure you!) #
• 18:28 @nard hehehe…thanks. keep filling that crock pot! #
• 18:31 RT @DesignerDepot: Sneaker burger: bit.ly/yt4tZ #
• 21:02 @sammymcloughlin no, i like it and my partner likes it. #
• 21:03 RT @urbanbohemian: This has been such a #FML day. I’d wander out to happy hour, but I appear to have already taken off my pants. #
• 22:55 good night all. off to the land of nod. play nice while i’m asleep, y’all. #

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• 08:16 @littlepigy good morning to you. #
• 08:17 good morning all. sorry to wake to the news that Ted Kennedy has died. #
• 08:21 I’ve decided the best way to deal w overnight tweets is to look at @-messages & 1st 1 or 2 screensful and ignore the rest. No timesuck. #
• 09:00 @littlepigy it’s just started here in london…the weather here will be crap today so i’m a bit annoyed about that. hope you’re doing well! #
• 09:01 @infernoxv @jerricklim there’s no such thing as “overbonking”. That is all. #
• 09:03 @jerricklim i’m originally American; of course in the US it would be “overf**king”. #
• 17:33 @brianepeters it’s hard to look like a local when you’re a Caucasian in Singapore, or Kampala; substitute race and city as appropriate. #
• 17:34 @texasnate better than smelling like Pabst Blue Ribbon. #
• 19:47 @pinoyboy we want pictures of the office twinky boy… #
• 19:47 @nard that would be because he was huge, I suppose… #
• 19:50 @pinoyboy indeed. i’m preaching on this week’s Gospel, which talks about purifying hands but not hearts. I wish I could use this example. #

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• 13:36 @MitchBenn if you get behind it no one will see you #fatpeoplearesexier #
• 13:41 good afternoon all. somewhat tired from dragging this air boot around. #
• 16:08 finished putting the stew together. GP of 15 yrs standing upped and changed my address with no instruction to do so… #welovethenhs #
• 17:30 the stew is bubbling away; hope it reduces enough to make it yummy. #
• 20:42 @soveren isn’t it always the way… #
• 20:42 @urbanbohemian congratulations! have a cocktail for me! #
• 20:49 OK, why exactly did I have to Google “gpush” to find out that notifications are set in “Settings” not in the Gpush app itself. #kindoffail #
• 22:09 @JoexEd bye, have fun! #
• 22:26 well, time to retire. must put the stew away. sleep tight, everyone. #

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I’ve had a reasonable day today. While I don’t care for wearing the boot, it seems to be doing its job. I’m hoping that by the time HWMBO’s holiday to Singapore and my weekend in Manchester (25-28 September) I won’t have to use it.

I decided to make a stew today, and by golly, it was the best stew I’ve ever cooked, I think.

Mother Hansen’s Beef Stew

1-1/2 lbs of stew beef,
three large potatoes,
a turnip (rutabaga, swede, call it what you will),
about 10 medium carrots,
three onions diced and two whole,
four stalks of celery diced,
two capsicum peppers diced,
1/2 head of garlic, minced,
a container of button mushrooms, whole,
4 tbsp barley,
a can of lima/broad beans, drained.
1 pint bottle/can of indifferent beer
flour
water
salt, pepper, basil, oregano, concentrated liquid beef stock, tabasco

Saut

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• 12:32 Zhu ni cheng ri kuai le, @stephenfry Many happy returns of the day. #
• 12:41 RT @badbanana I’m glad they pushed Michael Jackson’s funeral back another week because this whole thing has been feeling way too rushed. #fb #
• 14:36 @urbanbohemian good thoughts, good thoughts…sex…whiskey…good thoughts. #
• 14:46 @chienleng that’s the third time i’ve been corrected on that word and every correction is different… 🙁 #
• 14:54 @chienleng anytime…it’s easy to confuse me. #
• 18:04 RT @se1: Extending the Bakerloo line beyond Elephant & Castle: excellent blog post by London Reconnections bit.ly/YZ1cG #
• 18:19 @tug indeed. However, trying to suppress ’em will make martyrs of them. Best to let them be and make fun of ’em. #
• 21:10 @JoexEd eBay is where I’ve bought almost all my bow ties. #
• 21:14 RT @integrityusa: David Norgard #IntegrityUSA president-elect sermon to All Saints Pasadena yesterday. bit.ly/1aveNS #LGBT. #

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Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the Government-run health care proposal:

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, ‘Oh, Grow up!’
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
The Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist swallowed his pride and wouldn’t hear of it because he smelled a rat.
The Oncologist thought it was a cancer on the heart of American medicine, but the Sports Medicine specialist wanted to run with it.
The General Practitioner wanted to run it up the flagpole to see who saluted.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

…and many happy returns of the day.

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• 07:33 good morning all. listening to @SundayProgramme for religious news and will have a low-key day, I hope. #
• 07:34 RT @SundayProgramme: Laural and Hardy version of suicide bombing – morally right or just satire…. #
• 07:35 RT @SundayProgramme: Is the Dirty Sexy Church the future of church communications…. #
• 07:37 @MrPandaBehr ic. tossing his salad, then? 😉 #
• 07:41 @MrPandaBehr oic. Plant trees! 😉 have a good evening. #
• 07:52 RT @itzJeffy: “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.” #
• 07:54 good Sunday program this week…sometimes there’s nothing interesting for me but this week was good. #
• 08:04 ok, off to get ready for church…beautiful day for it. #
• 13:33 @devinjay twitpic.com/ez5d1 – How much is he charging? #
• 13:48 @devinjay that’s what they all say… #
• 16:42 @LDN twitpic.com/eztdm – and someone’s moved St. Paul’s a few miles closer to Westminster than it is now. #
• 17:56 England has won the Ashes back 2-1 with two draws. Good news at last for England. #

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…the letter carrier has dropped the notice in my mailbox without ringing the doorbell twice in the last three weeks. I complained about her the last time direct to Royal Mail. However, my Twitter/Livejournal friend had a better idea…

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• 05:03 good morning all. felt a bit odd so came down and tested blood sugar. 4.4–drank a bit of orange juice now waiting for sugar to work… #
• 05:09 @nard wouldn’t that be good news? they will serve you more free booze and food. #
• 05:12 @soveren very nice. what part of scotland? i’m in mancs 25-28 september. #
• 06:19 Red sky at morning here in London. If there are any sailors about, Hello, Sailor! and take warning. #
• 10:35 @tug congratulations, old-timer. Can you tell us what it was like before the war? (Crimean)? #
• 10:35 @mhisham depends on whether “duck” is a noun or a verb. #
• 14:40 RT @soveren: did a draft tester 🙂 bit.ly/9dGhK #
• 14:42 A guy rang my doorbell, said that postman had left a package with us for him. The postie doesn’t even deliver OUR packages to us… #
• 14:45 @brianepeters You’re welcome. OK AFAIK. Up in Scotland, I think. #
• 17:07 @devinjay wotta pun… #
• 17:11 @soveren he didn’t even tell me which flat he was in. we’re all facing new kent road. the posties around here are crap. #
• 17:13 @jenny8lee it says that men taste better, or are more nutritious, i suppose. at least to dinosaurs. #
• 17:14 @soveren well, it was very artistic anyway. only UK people will get the allusions to UK news programs tho… #
• 17:15 @nard totally smashed? and the difficulty with that is what, exactly? ‘-) #

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Yes, Virginia, there is a Christian gene, but you do have a choice…

Thanks to for pointing out this gem.

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• 07:14 morning all…off to the quack later. #
• 08:37 @MisterDude what were you wearing? would a picture be appropriate? as long as you were wearing your posing strap i would say you were OK. #
• 08:38 ok, off to the foot quacks now. will report when i get back or sooner, if i tweet from my iPhone. #
• 12:12 @soveren welcome back! we’ve missed you! #
• 12:14 RT @LDN: ‘Putpocketing’ – 20 former pickpockets are putting money into Londoner’s pockets in a novel promotion bit.ly/7uAxV #
• 12:28 @scorpiojerm perhaps except at an airport, yes. #
• 14:31 back from the foot quack. ulcer has shrunk a bit, back in the boot. #
• 14:31 @shrinik changing your password would be the first step… #
• 14:36 @devinjay twitpic.com/eopde – yeah, looks fine! #
• 20:12 @soveren you can get milo here…it’s in my local Tesco’s. In fact, they have Milo chocolate biscuits. #
• 20:19 #followfriday @soveren is a good friend and newly reensconced here. #
• 20:25 #followfriday @MisterDude @urbanbohemian @brianepeters @jerricklim @texasnate @nickbaines@rhys_isterix @mkrigsman #
• 20:25 @lancearmstrong that’s nothing. I’m an American who’s lived in London for nearly 16 years and I don’t understand cricket either. #
• 20:27 RT @alexgeana: Reading: “Chihuahua Stolen From Florida Gay Bar by Man with Britney Tattoo – Towleroad” ( bit.ly/Haq88 ) #
• 20:53 @hygienestudent remember that texting is for people who are scared witless of talking to people on the phone… #
• 22:28 @soveren if you want some i can buy it and get it to you. i’m coming up to manchester in september #

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• 08:06 RT @helenroper: Waiting for a blood test. The nurse’s name is ‘Nurse Fear’. This May not end well… #
• 08:20 Spoof New Zealand tourism ad: is.gd/2pHzI #
• 08:30 @danbjorn …and when you do wield that axe, a whole new dept. full of blue-sky promisers will move in…that’s what salespeople are like… #
• 12:59 RT @besskeloid: Nurse Fear? The first aider at my junior school was called Mrs. Killer. #
• 19:56 @BrianHeys i have lots of bookmarks too. i started out at the bottom and moved to the top and got rid of lots of them…go on, you can do it #
• 19:59 RT @AJHab: Today’s Fun Story: Instructor puts sticky note on laptop monitor over part of text she didn’t want to show via the *projector*! #
• 20:00 @ricky_martin i mostly buy through iTunes. It’s very convenient. occasionally buy a CD but not often. #
• 20:04 @bengoldacre said no to a chugger while waiting outside Goodge St Sta last week and got a tongue-lashing for my pains. I couldn’t escape. #
• 20:09 @BrianHeys Every journey starts with a single click… #
• 22:35 off to the Land of Nod. Play nice, now. #

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From 1930, here is a video of Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller, with Miss Sullivan showing how she taight Miss Keller to understand the spoken word and speak herself. Really inspiring.

(Thanks to BoingBoing for the link)