Chris Hansen’s blog

• 08:34 @gayasianboy : you tap it with your knuckles and if it sounds hollow, it’s ripe. also smell the place where the stem was. #
• 10:50 @MrPandaBehr or, of course, 112 if we were to be European. #
• 14:35 afternoon all. meatloaf sammiches for lunch, sky grey so probably no trip to White Cube this afternoon. Maybe tomorrow. #
• 22:08 @MrPandaBehr : i gather than the “Gay St” street sign is regularly stolen. #
• 22:10 @jonk : get yr krispy kremes quickly before they go chapter 11… #

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I don’t know about you, but this story sounds like the SWB is up to her old tricks again—transferring clergy who stray.

You know what the Anglican priest said to the Baptist preacher at the ecumenical luncheon: “After all, we are both doing the Lord’s work—you in your way, and I in His”.

Now that I am between jobs and have time to kill, it occurs to me that one way in which to improve myself would be to learn a lot more about web design and engineering. My own website is a disgrace, and other people and organisations have asked me to help them with design and engineering of their websites, and I do not really have the expertise to do more than the bare minimum.

Thus, I wonder if anyone reading this knows of a good online course in web design and in aspects of web engineering such as PHP or XML and the like.

If so, comments or PVT_EMAIL would be welcome.

The last time I was not working 9 to 5 each day I basically pissed away most of the time surfing and reading email (this was before Twitter). I am determined not to do so this time.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “what’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order “That will be $9.40, please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

• 14:19 afternoon, all. had lunch, the windoze updates destabilised my eudora so have been dealing with that mongolian clusterf*ck… #
• 00:03 off to bed now #

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As much as I hate leaving my cosy London home for the Wild West, HWMBO and I are off to the US in May. HWMBO and I will be visiting my brother and sister in Massachusetts for a week starting probably the weekend of the 16-17 May. HWMBO will stay for a week, and leave the next weekend. We will probably be seeing while we’re there, as well as and and other friends of ours.

I, on the other hand, will be staying in the US for two more weeks. The week starting 25th May I shall be flying to Washington, DC to stay with our former flatmate and absolute sweetheart Brett (who is not on LiveJournal) for a week.

So, heads up, all you LJ friends in DC, I’m coming atcha. This means you, , you, , and you, , and you, , as well as and anyone else in the area. I have no itinerary or plans at the moment except to sightsee and enjoy myself. I have not been in Washington for more than 20 years, so it’s time. We could have a drink/dinner or whatever. Would love to meet y’all.

Then, I’m taking the train up to New York City probably the 1st or 2nd of June to go to my 35th Columbia reunion. I really enjoyed the 30th, so I am really excited about this one. I don’t have a lot of close friends in my class, but I enjoyed being on campus, doing the activities, and all that. The reunion starts on the 2nd or the 3rd of June, and goes through the weekend.

So, heads up to all my New York LiveJournal friends, as well as anyone else in the area. I’ll be staying with for part of the time, and on campus for part of the time. Then, back home on the 8th or 9th of June.

So don’t be shy; I would really enjoy meeting you if you’re around any of those three places.

• 12:55 @chrys Berretta vitamin tabs was what I needed. Didn’t remember until bedtime when i went to the cupboard to get my pills. #
• 14:26 @chrys : I actually meant Berocca. #

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…and many happy returns of the day.

• 10:44 @nakedboy : there are three sizes of condom: small, medium, and liar #
• 10:46 @MrPandaBehr : bravo! i like that phrase “different sex marriage”…will start using it right now. thanks. #
• 12:13 @chrys : oh dear. i shall be leaving for soho at around 12:30 or so. hope you got in and out by then. #
• 12:29 @chrys : ok, i’ll be setting off shortly. see you in the pub. #
• 12:29 @nakedboy : too bad beckham isn’t an opportunistic full-frontally naked slut. only kind of slut to be. #
• 13:05 @chrys here, sitting in window. #
• 13:09 In O’Neill’s sitting at window enjoying a free pint of guinness and waiting for @chrys to drink and lunch. #
• 13:10 Also watching cute chinese boiz walking around in sweats. #
• 16:44 @soveren : oh geez, i would have, but @chrys arrived and my back was then to the window. Come to london and hang out on Gerrard Street. #
• 16:45 saw @chrys’s iPhone and i want one too. my vodafone contract is up next month. so’s my bt one. so broadband and iPhone together! #
• 17:40 @soveren : i agree with you. shall we set up a threesome and purchase one? 😉 a country retreat (and iPhones for all!) #
• 18:51 @chris rinally figured out how to change address of netflights.com. “ok” button is invisible, tab until white patch turns into blue button. #
• 19:30 @chrys finally remembered what i needed in boots… #

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Does anyone remember when most radio was live? Nowadays most of it is canned in a studio far away from the station broadcasting it at another time far in the future. No one is actually at the radio station. Sometimes, no one is listening. So sometimes things go wrong.

The video below was taken by someone driving from Chicago through Indiana. 91.9 seems a bit broken, doesn’t it?

You might not want to listen to this all the way through. It will haunt you.

91.9 from dustin hostetler on Vimeo.

• 08:57 morning tweeters. the gas man cometh and checketh out our boiler. all is ok for another year. #
• 09:51 @gayasianboy : i leave all such questions up to god and try to take care of my own spirituality. i fight against the religious nuts. #
• 09:52 @gayasianboy : did they have tiramisu on the Titanic? Caviar, more likely. #
• 10:10 @jonk : i’ve been in UK so long that when you said “pants” I wondered why you’d change your undies to see a client… #
• 10:40 @soveren wasn’t off to anywhere, just wanted to see what it looked like and had an afternoon free. not all ba flights yet leave from there. #
• 11:03 just got a cold call email from Fort Chappard a recruitment consultance. sounds a bit snarky. anyone dealt with them before in the UK? #
• 15:47 back from the gym, waiting for dinner and then lodge of instruction… #
• 16:27 @nakedboy : i wouldn’t mind a job boy myself. Where would I find one? #
• 18:42 On Tube going to Lodge of Instruction. #

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An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life; I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an elderly lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, 19-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son

• 10:39 morning all…the landlord’s representative just came by and we chatted about mice and keys and all sorts of things. #
• 12:27 @gayasianboy : nah, they have nothing to do with christianity as i recognise it. #
• 12:29 @besskeloid : that’s not all. there was the Stuff Falling from the Sky into our back garden and Glue Oozing from the Floor. #
• 13:11 @chrys : you want to have lunch this week sometime? mid afternoon on tues, noon weds and thurs. #
• 16:05 At terminal 5 sightseeing. empty but nice. #
• 18:02 back home now. fell asleep on Piccadilly Line and ended up at Holborn rather than Piccadilly Circus. Had to bus it home. #
• 18:04 @pepstein : now i know why i fell asleep on the Tube: National Napping Day! Teh suck–it cost me an extra pound to get home on the bus. #
• 21:58 @nakedboy : a chinese restaurent here in London has a reputation for abusing customers who come back again and again. food’s not great. #

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The good news: TrendMicro support called me back (after calling me at 1 am Friday evening) to fix the problem with the annoying useless popups I was getting.

The bad news: He called just after Just A Minute began on Radio 4. When we finished, Nicholas Parsons was just telling us to tune in again next time they played Just A Minute. It must be something I did to God—every time I settle down to listen to Just A Minute on Monday evening something comes between us.

Additional good news: the technician (who is based in the Philippines and sounded quite cute) seems to have figured out how to stop the popups. I haven’t had any since he added HostsMan and the folder containing it to a “Do Not Scan” list. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Later edit: Additional bad news: the notifications have returned.

• 07:58 @fonsus : the mini is less powerful i believe. boy, do i wish that twitter had threading. i have forgotten what i said before! #
• 13:27 good afternoon, tweeters mine. Those of you in the US and Canada are probably short of sleep this afternoon. Naptime! Ours is next week. #
• 13:28 @gayasianboy : what’s wrong with being gay Asian Christians. Some Christians are good people, you know. #
• 17:16 @helenroper : i’ve never heard of “mandelson custard” either. is it like “spotted dick” or maybe “jam roly poly”? #
• 18:05 off to get the spaghetti ready for dinner. #

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After yesterday’s experiences (I’ll friend-lock this too so if you didn’t read yesterday’s entry you can), I am feeling just a bit weak at the knees. Every once in a while I remember it all again and exclaim “Oh dear!” out loud, to no one in particular. HWMBO think’s I’m haunted.

So today I decided to shred Bibles. The Nigerian Pentacostal church that meets in St. Matthew’s building uses Bibles in their Sunday School and in their services. The members feel free to annotate, blot out, doodle in, and generally wreck their Bibles to such an extent that when they do leave them in church, they have lost their bindings, are covered in ink (including words inscribed on the outer ends and leaves of the book, the same way we used to misuse our textbooks in high school), and are useless for anything.

There was a pile of about 7 Bibles in the Vestry in this condition. I had left them there, intending to take them home and dispose of them reverently. Today seemed to be a good day for that as it’s windy, rainy, and cold. Not a good day for a walk along the river.

When I was a kid, the standard way of reverently disposing of a Bible was to burn it—just like the reverent way of disposing of an old American flag. But it’s hard to find a fire or a suitable place to build one these days. I decided to shred them.

The first one, being relatively cheap, had thicker paper and was easily disposed of, including the covers.

However, when I got to the next two, I found that Bible paper was not suitable for shredding very well, as it was too thin to trip the switch that starts the shredder, but when you amassed enough pages to trip the switch, they had a hard time going through the thing.

By the time I’d gotten to II Kings of the third Bible, the shredder was making an ominous thumping noise every time I put a piece of paper into it. Even one page provoked a horrible clunking noise, regularly repeated as the shredder ate up the Word of God and spat out confetti.

I reflected that perhaps this meant that the Word of God, while shreddible in bulk, was too delicate page-by-page to give the shredder the kick it needed to start up. We too need to digest the Bible in smaller chunks, not whole chapters or books. And proof-texting, used as a weapon, is ineffective since it dissects the Bible into tiny bits to prove something that another tiny bit somewhere else disproves.

I ended up reverently, but firmly, throwing the other unshredded bibles into the nest of paper the first bibles had made, and then bagging it up and tossing it into the bin outside. The bin bag’s black, not clear, so no one will know that the Word of God is in the bin. But, after yesterday, the very activity felt good.

• 13:44 just back from Diocesan Synod. Gays on the aqgenda. Was last to speak and got gonged after a minute. Was it because I mentioned my partner? #
• 15:59 In Starbucks near Westminster Bridge with HWMBO. Saw exhibit at Tate Modern that wasn’t interesting. #
• 22:57 off to bed soon, so good night twitterverse. don’t go anywhere as i will want you in the morning. #

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At 1 am the phone rang. I had just gotten to sleep. I got up and groggily answered it. It was a technician from Trend Micro to help me with the difficulties I’m having in configuring the program. I had told them what time zone I’m in, but, no matter, he thought I must be awake at 1 am. I told him to call on Monday at a reasonable hour.

That must be why I’m dead tired now. Nah, it couldn’t have been…

(friends-locked because you never know who’s putting your name into a search engine)

The day did not start auspiciously. I got up, made breakfast as usual, and settled down to read my tweets and blogs. At 9:45 I heard a chime, which turned out to be my mobile phone’s calendar reminder: today was Diocesan Synod day, and it started at 10 am. I had totally forgotten!

So, quickly jump in the shower and get dressed, take a bus to Waterloo, and sneak into St. John’s church and take a seat in the back. Bishop Tom was just finishing his Presidential address. He only has two more Synods to go before he retires (he just turned 69 and he must retire by his 70th birthday) but I’m sure he will keep his hands on the reins of power until the very last second.

Then into bumpf about allowing priests with Permission to Officiate full access to synodical government. Visions of former area bishop Colin Buchanan coming back to haunt us filled everyone’s mind as we busily voted this down.

Finally we got to the meat of the Synod. A motion by Richmond and Barnes Deanery that stated that permanent, faithful, and stable same sex unions were to be valued by the Church and that people in such unions should not be discriminated against when it came to preferment or ordination.

Now to most of you this will be uncontroversial. However, everyone went on and on about it. The Bible-bashers did that, bashed the Bible. One gentleman (I use the word advisedly) said that if we were to pass this, approval of incestuous relationships would be next. What tripe.

One amendment calling for “celibate” to be added to permanent, faithful, and stable was introduced and voted down. Another amendment that would have noted the Bishops’ document on civil partnerships was also voted down.

I then got up to speak. Right after I said that I was in an 11-year same-sex partnership, 3 year civil partnership, and served on many bodies of the Diocese, though whether that was preferment I wasn’t clear (and perhaps we should ask the Diocesan Registrar), the bell went off and the bishop declared “Time” and asked for us to move to next business rather than vote on the resolution. We did that, and everyone except me breathed a sigh of relief.

I have been mulling it over and I think that what I want to say to anyone who is faced with this kind of resolution (that doesn’t DO anything for LGBT people) is: Don’t touch it with a 10 foot pole. Bishop Tom has demob fever, and dearly wants his last year in office to be controversy-free. Thus, a resolution of this kind had no chance of passing. The Area Dean of Richmond and Barnes, who introduced it, was happy to move to next business (he must be straight) and leave the question that he had just declared was very important hanging on the vine, unplucked.

From now on I’m not going to participate in a gay-bashing party of this sort unless there is both a tangible good at the end (clear path to ordination being a right for all to explore, for example) and a willingness on the part of the leadership to take it through. Southwark is a liberal diocese, but I can imagine what it would be like in, say, Southwell and Nottingham or Liverpool.

I feel bashed, even though I’m not physically hurt. I shan’t abandon my faith, but I have to recall that the Church is full of people, many of whom I might not like very much.

The point is, I don’t want legislative bodies to be discussing my junk like this. Straight people just don’t get it.

• 07:10 @THE_REAL_SHAQ happy birthday to you, and many happy returns of the day. #
• 07:24 @MrPandaBehr i still have a computer punch card. try that for rare. #
• 07:26 @MrPandaBehr the surgeon general’s not in the cabinet. i’ll bet that gupta can make lots more money out of government & his wife’s expecting #
• 07:30 @jonk i haven’t clubbed for at least 10 years but i have the excuse that i’m ancient. my queer card was chipped into a stone tablet. #
• 10:05 back from fasting blood tests, tucked into toast and coffee, ready to face the day. #
• 14:43 @MrPandaBehr : no, i meant that i have a punch card. there was a punch card PC very early on but i worked with xerox mainframes… #
• 14:49 @MrPandaBehr : very few computer science people nowadays have seen a punch card. we used to use ’em in market research tabulation. #
• 21:04 @nakedboy : get business cards printed up with your title as “Consultant” and send an invoice when you’ve facilitated. #
• 21:04 @nakedboy : i’ve had fried plantain. don’t like it very much (I may be allergic?) but they’re like thick potato chips. #
• 21:06 @MikeonTV : i think rooibos (red bush) tea is very nice. Number 1 Ladies Detective Agency tea. #
• 21:09 @ErnieAtLYD : i suppose match.com is thinking that will deter you from choosing the rejecter? #
• 21:10 @boyshapedbox : is “schwab” a verb? what is it? NSFW?? #
• 21:13 @MrPandaBehr : everyone used to have a box of chads to fix holes in punch cards when they weren’t punched right…ah, nostalgia! #
• 21:14 @sbrettell : oh, yes. my physics teacher had a deck of them. You could sort on two or more characteristics with two or more knitting needles #
• 21:18 @boyshapedbox : oic. i schwab, you schwab, he/she/it schwabs. #

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I am comfortable around those who cross-dress, who are transgender, or who break gender barriers in any way possible. This video is very sweet on the subject.

The video below is of a Japanese TV show in which older teenage boys get a makeover that changes them into older teenage girls. Apparently there’s quite a few clips of this sloshing around YouTube.

I found this one quite touching when the madeover boy was kissed by another boy on screen. It would make an interesting subject for an essay on how transgender people are related to by same-biological-sex people.

I don’t know why this is Toilet Day on teh intarwebz, but it is. Note that this place uses artificial human waste: 1 pound of soyabean paste packed into casings. No blenders full of gummi bears.

CBC Spark: Nora visits the Toilet Lab from CBC Radio: Spark on Vimeo.

We have been having a few problems in the powder room downstairs—it does not always completely dispose of the contents thereof. This is embarrassing (although not as embarrassing as when the pipe in back would without warning give way and flood the floor).

The video below is of a toilet of which I can only dream. After seeing the video, however, I do think there were probably some raised eyebrows at the sewerage plant.

• 09:57 morning tweeters all. not much doing today, but it’s partly sunny so there is some blue sky out there in London, at last! #
• 12:32 hot dogs and potato salad for lunch. our mouse is getting very bold too–jumps up on the computer desk for peanuts (I don’t feed him…) #
• 12:32 @helenroper : version control is hard, coding is easy. #
• 14:54 @legalmoose : yeah, but the last time i did it HWMBO was really upset that I had to drown the mouse (stick trap, u know)…this one is smart #
• 19:00 just finished dinner: soup and salad. waiting for HWMBO to come home from a knees-up with ex-workmates. #
• 23:41 @jonk : no clubbing? give back your Queer Card[TM]! #

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China’s Hairiest Man

• 08:21 @ashleyhill7861 Taylor’s. have never yet been to an emulation lodge. #
• 08:38 good morning, twitterverse. grey and threatening skies over London today. i hope to go out later if it doesn’t rain. #
• 20:53 @jonk : are you sure that an alien isn’t trying to burrow out? #
• 20:55 @kevjumba : was your answer from experience or were you just stringing them along in case some good looking girl was tabulating the results? #
• 20:56 dinner was free-range chicken with mashed potatoes and peas. coffee to come. #

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Thanks to , we have a bank advertisement from Argentina in which a loan makes a man think again.

Joe Godlewski is a retired barber, but he knows a business opportunity when he sees it. You’ve heard of kosher salt? Well, he’s selling Christian salt. Blessed by an Episcopal priest, no less.

I suspect that the ladies and gentlemen of the AMIA and various other far-right separatist Anglican organisations may want to come out with their own alternative, blessed by Bob Duncan and called “Straight Male Christian Salt”.

…some sartorial splendour for you.

As you may remember, I bought an Asus EEE when in Singapore. It works well, and I plan to start taking it out to Starbucks occasionally to surf and Tweet.

Asus has another product that is even more interesting. I have seen computer that were fitted into the back of a flat-screen monitor (quite common). I have never seen a computer fitted into a keyboard.

My initial impression is that the monitor is not well placed and is a bit small. But, you decide!

…and many happy returns of the day.

After ‘s post about bourbon yesterday, I was moved to have some Elmer T. Lee bourbon. So, as Alistair Cooke used to say, “The most melodious sound in the world is ice clinking into a glass at 4 pm” and the Elmer T Lee was poured. I went into the living room, sat down, and prepared to enjoy.

The phone rang. It was an interviewer. Her telephone connection (perhaps the fact she was calling from some Gawd-forsaken place where furrin languages are spoken and her accent was heavy) was bad and the background noise in the interviewing room was pretty loud. I had to ask her to repeat herself regularly. All this time the Elmer T Lee was sitting in the living room and being diluted by the ice.

It took me 5 minutes to get back to my drink. Interviewer, nothing personal, but I don’t like you.

• 11:10 @Zulq : make sure it works with their router. i got a belkin in Sg. and my router dislikes it intensely and won’t let it connect. #
• 14:33 @nakedboy : didn’t know anyone drank tom collinses nowadays. sex on the beach or LI iced teas seem to be flavours of the decade. #
• 14:35 @fonsus : wouldn’t get the mini as my first mac. get a macbook. mini is a bit limited. #
• 14:36 @nakedboy : not here they didn’t. not that i’ve ever had sex on the beach or LI iced teas myself…others drink them. #
• 14:36 @nakedboy : oh, and florida sent me an email saying i should come and visit and bring the whole family to disneyworld and stuff. #
• 14:38 just for the public record, i drink bourbon neat or with diet coke, and also manhattans. #
• 18:25 @ashleyhill7861 : have a good LOI. Which ritual do you use? #
• 18:27 @helenroper : i had nearly the same thought this PM when i put potatoes on to boil and wanted to sit in the living room. You go, girl! #
• 18:30 @nakedboy twitpic.com/1tl0d – So how do you give someone a hickey through a wrestling singlet anyway? #
• 18:35 radio 4’s 6:30 pm comedies have gotten so lame lately that I have to turn them off in case i’m eating. #
• 18:37 @nakedboy : obviously elisabeth needs a history lesson. hard to f*ck up the country from the Illinois Senate and 2 yrs in the US Senate. #

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Our friend Chaz went to the Metropolitan Opera to see a production of an opera called La Somnambula by Bellini, and has transcribed a review from the Associated Press. I thought you’d be amused.

To: British Film Institute, Lesbian and Gay Film Festival
From: Disgusted at the Elephant
Re: Your unfortunate booking website

Dear BFI:

We have been remiss at actually coming to the National Film Theatre in the last few years. Renovations, our own busy lives, and basic laziness have meant that we haven’t even bothered to book for the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival in donkey’s years.

This year, we pored over the catalogue and decided on a couple of films. When I went to your website I thought it would be relatively easy to book, given that this is not rocket science and lots of other organisations manage to sell their seats online.

Boy, was I wrong.

First, actually getting to the film one wants to book is difficult. The first film that we wanted to see was the only one that was cancelled in the entire festival. Hard cheese, one might say.

When I went to the second and third ones, even though online booking had only begun around an hour before, nearly all the seats were taken. Of those that were not, two showed as available but caused an error when I chose them. This was Milk, of course, so bound to be popular, but a full NFT1 (the largest auditorium in the National Film Theatre) in less than an hour?

When I went for a third showing of another film, I discovered that the entire theatre had been sold out within one hour. Oh, I tell a lie, there was one seat left. HWMBO probably wouldn’t be interested in this show, but I didn’t want to go without him, so I passed on it. Now, where did I put that shopping basket. Oh, yes, there is a link for it in the heading. I clicked on it. Nothing. Clicked on it again. Nothing again. Looked around for something else. Went back a few screens. Nothing. No way to get to the shopping basket without actually purchasing tickets.

So I “bought” another seat for Milk, got to the shopping basket, removed the seat I just bought, and then continued checkout.

I am glad that I am not responsible for building or testing your website, as it would make me ashamed of my work and I wouldn’t like that. Were someone not as persistent as I am to encounter the obstacles I did, they might just give up and leave lots of seats in their shopping basket, unbought.

There may not be very many seats left for anyone by the time public booking begins in a few days’ time. I suppose this might give you some more members, but it will piss off lots of people who would like to see these films but who can’t afford to join.

Yours, as ever,

Disgusted at the Elephant and Castle
NFT member for more than 10 years.

Sermon delivered at St. Matthew

…and many happy returns of the day.

• 07:28 read this to find out how twitter might make money: tinyurl.com/cbky4z #
• 08:34 @fonsus : how old is this laptop? if it’s more than 2 years old, buy a new one. if it’s less than 2 years old, demand a new one for free. #
• 10:40 @rustyrockets i’ve got no stools, but i’ve got some chairs, a hassock, and a futon. come and snap away! #
• 16:25 just back from a nice walk to Shoreditch and Brick Lane for a large rye bread. worth the walk. have pastrami now too! #
• 17:18 @urbanbohemian : the answer to “how many inches did you get?” is always “Not enough.” #
• 17:44 well, off to thai food with spwebdesign and HWMBO. #
• 20:41 @nakedboy : really gorgeous scenery you were driving through there… #
• 20:43 back from thai. HWMBO gives it 6 out of 10. I liked it better, maybe 7 out of 10. in the doghouse for not doing the laundry today. tomorrow! #
• 21:22 tinyurl.com/d2gfos #
• 21:24 For @fj and anyone else interested in language. sorry for the slip of the fingers; it’s my previous tweet #

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Yo! Sushi and other such sushi restaurants, especially in Japan, put each dish on a conveyor belt that winds its way slowly around the restaurant. Diners pick the dishes they want, and at the end of the meal they are billed by the plate. Sometimes there are several different colour plates, each of which carries different types of sushi with different prices.

Imagine if you took a video camera, placed it on the conveyor belt so that it faced the diners, and let it make one circuit around the restaurant. This might be what you’d see.

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with the mouse, although it could have. Over the weekend we were sitting in the kitchen and the mouse emerged from behind the stove, toddled out on the counter, and looked us right in the eye, cool as a cucumber. I clapped my hands and it jumped in the air, spun round, and went back into the bowels of the cabinets. Haven’t seen it since. Perhaps I scared it to death.

I use a Microsoft Natural Keyboard. I know they’re shaped funny and all, but I like them and they work well with my hands and typing style.

The one I was using gave up the ghost just now. Every once in a while it would start to repeat random letters, or stop and refuse to work. I thought it might be a virus of some sort, but got no joy in that. So, I tried replacing it with a wireless MS Natural Keyboard I have, and it works perfectly.

So one keyboard goes into the trash, and I have to order another to ensure that I’ll have one or two spare. I have another but it only has a PS2 plug and that’s not very good, even with an adapter. I’ll save it for HWMBO’s computer, which still has a PS2 socket. My current computer only has USB sockets.

…and many happy returns of the day.

• 08:12 @seashellseller isn’t oil usually blessed on Maundy Thursday? #
• 08:14 @MrPandaBehr chocolate milk is pertaining to your melted chocolate ice cream…twitter needs threading! #
• 12:28 @MrPandaBehr : oic. 140 characters means that context is severely limited in most cases. #
• 16:20 @MrPandaBehr : about the replies, you’re absolutely right. oh well, Twitter 2.0 perhaps. #
• 16:28 @MrPandaBehr : no dim sum; he had instant noodles and I had hot dogs. Dinner is codfish cakes. #
• 20:04 codfish cakes drenched in ketchup are edible. you have been warned. #

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• 08:56 @jonk : i would never hire imagemanagement.com to take out my trash, much less work on a website. My eyes and ears hurt. A lot. #
• 08:58 @nakedboy : it sounds like none of your friends are hot men…i’m certain that’s not the truth. #
• 08:59 @nakedboy : would love to, haven’t been there for a quarter of a century. but don’t have the time or the funds at the moment. sigh #
• 09:13 morning twitterverse. My thoughts on Sir Fred Goodwin’s pension: chrishansenhome.livejournal.com/477405.html #
• 13:06 @tug : No, YOU are gambling. The banks are just facilitating it. #
• 16:06 @urbanbohemian : rent a car if you need one…cheaper than actually owning one. #
• 22:11 @sbrettell : have posted it here chrishansenhome.livejournal.com/477533.html but really should have given it more thought beforehand. #
• 22:22 My DBI is 52.80 Find yours and manage your followers at tweetsum.com #DBI #
• 22:41 @MrPandaBehr : had chocolate milk then? #

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I have been a bit tardy about publishing this sermon. The reason is that I didn’t put enough thought into it. St. John’s is a traditionalist parish, having passed Resolutions A and B (which state that the parish will not accept a female incumbent nor allow a female priest to celebrate the Eucharist). The last few paragraphs equate the “crowd” outside the house in which Jesus was staying with traditionalists and obstructionists. My intention was to equate the “crowd” with people who keep us from a close relationship with God, but I ended up equating them with traditionalists. This was bad.

My next assignment is March 22nd, Mothering Sunday here in the UK (=US Mothers Day). The readings are for the Fourth Sunday in Lent, Gaudete Sunday. I suppose I can bring the rose-coloured vestments into it somehow. It will also be my 50th sermon since I moved to the United Kingdom.

Sermon delivered at St. John the Evangelist, 10 am. Readings: Isaiah 43:18-19, 21-22, 24-25; Ps. 40; II Cor. 1:18-22; Mark 2:1-12

+In the name of God, the one, the Undivided Trinity. AMEN.

Have you ever noticed that many jokes start out with a group of three people?

Sir Fred Goodwin, the disgraced and retired former chairman of Royal Bank of Scotland, was discovered to be drawing a pension of around

• 10:17 @tug : there is no way that they will stop as they think you will someday lose your will to live and buy a TV. They want to catch you. #
• 16:50 @urbanbohemian : yes, me too. i wonder if they’ve stuffed a stealth “update” through… #
• 17:06 @tug : i think they only visit people they suspect highly of having a TV. The largest number of jailed women is for TV license evasion, BTW. #
• 17:07 @nakedboy : well, yes, but he makes more sense than the last White House occupier did and is probably worth listening to. #
• 20:27 @davidrowell : i believe the company issued a statement saying that he wasn’t serious, but i think it was a trial balloon. #
• 20:31 @nakedboy : Lucky Dale… #
• 20:32 @tug : i’ll send you a small TV and then call the Licensing people…you won’t have to do a thing… #
• 20:43 haven’t tweeted to the twitterverse today, just @-messages. Hope everyone is enjoying Friday. I’ve been attenting to the computer… #
• 22:33 @nakedboy : yum, cuban food. can’t get it in London. will try to go to a cuban-chinese restaurant in NYC when i’m there in may… #

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If you go down to the pub, and tell your mates over a pint what a boring job you have, there are few consequences except for, perhaps, a hangover the next day. This young lady has learned a lesson about how and when to talk about your boring job.

…and many happy returns of the day.

• 11:06 gates to the side area of the building now locked and key given to me. this may keep the prostitutes and IV drug users out temporarily. #
• 13:12 @soveren : i presume you expected it to taste like The Real Pot Noodle? #

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